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seriously. i just want to be her. she is sooooo thin and tall! And tan! She is my THINSPO! Just looking at pictures of her inspires me to avoid food.   Really good thinspo is listening to her music (she sings about how "hot" she is, how hard she parties, and how everyone wants her) if that doesn't make you want to be thin, then I don't know what does!  Her new music is on her myspace.  Every  time i feel like eating, I look at a picture of her in a bikini.  

I also listen to motivational music, just songs about people achieving their goals, not giving up.  Even though they are probably not singing about their weight, it makes me want to reach for MY goal!


tHIS morning I got on the scale, and am happy to announce that I saw 119!!! Nine more pounds to go and I will be perfect!!!!!!  My idea of the perfect body is, skinny thighs that are bony, skinny calves, a flat stomach, a flat butt, no love handles, ribs sticking out, small or medium boobies, broad-ish shoulders (with collar bone sticking out), and muscular arms.   It can totally happen.  I also want to be able to wear I size zero. The magic coveted size.

In the morning I had a large peppermint mocha coffee (way too sweet next time i will just get peppermint) and oatmeal for breakfast.   Then I went to the gym for 2 hours and biked, burning a total of 500 cal.  It felt REALLY good.  There was this fan blowing in my face, and I was imagining that I was on a boat, sailing, not sweating my ass off at the gym while reading fashion magazines with thin models.

I just ate 'lunch" which was seven slices of mushrooms, two baby corns, and a handul of lettuce.  I am going to watch a movie now and do pushups and sit ups, along with leg lifts. 

I am beginning to despair, to get lazy.   My fat can be covered up and hidden.  I need some motivation and some inspiration to keep going and get rid of it all.  I want zero body fat.

Perhaps thinking about how disgusting, dirty, poor, older men won't find me attractive if I am thin.   Only rich, metrosexual, sophisticated guys prefer skeletal women.  Gross poor guys like "curves" aka huge asses, belly flab, etc.   Several guys even told me they don't like thin, muscular girls because it makes them insecure about their own bodies.  So only guys who are confident about their really great bodies can be with thin girls!!!!!

So I made myself a list of incentives of what I am going to do when I lose a certain number of pounds.

Here are the goals/ rewards.

120 pounds----buy Victoria's Secret sweats with my college logo on them :)

118 pounds--watch SATC Season 1, buy new bras, new undies (hopefully in a size medium!) and go tanning at Central Park

115 pounds---sign up for the $10-unlimited movie rentals and blockbuster and watch movies all day so I won't eat. Then, try on new jeans at Bloomingdales even though i can't pay for them, just to see how thin they make me look!  And go tanning at a tanning salon.  Then maybe I will look like Paris Hilton.

113 pounds--Browse boutiques in the West Village, watch every single episode of Gossip Girl, go see an independent theatre show, buy an iTunes gift card and download tons of songs, spend a day at the Met looking at art and not eating.

111 pounds--go to a yoga class, go tanning again, go to Chinatown for a day, buy a designer wristlet at a Consignment or second-hand store, hang artwork in my room

110 pounds GOAL !!!---spend a day at the Museum of modern Art, visit the Upper East Side, explore Little Italy and maybe eat a non-lettuce meal, buy new candles, go shopping to redecorate my room!

Hopefully these incentives (things I want to do but won't let myself until i lose the weight!) will motivate me to perfection.


Today I weighed 122 pounds. That is .5 pounds less than yesterday.  For breakfast I had a few sips of a shake that I made from mangoes, a banana, and protein powder.  For lunch a had a few slices of mushrooms, and for dinner I had a little spinach with a few mushrooms and 5 cherry tomatoes.  I had 5 cups of black tea so far.  At 8:30, I am going to go to the gym for one hour and bring some fashion magazines to look at while I am exercising.   My goal is to be as thin as Paris Hilton, and I believe it can happen.  I am going to maintain a body weight of 110 pounds.  Also, I am planning to make an Ana bracelet so hopefully I can meet some more Anas/mias at school.  I know my school is loaded with 'em.  There are so many girls here who like Ana.


paris is the perfect girl

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